The Mental Load
Mental Load in Motherhood
Why isn’t this discussed when a woman gets pregnant, rather than the birth plans and breathing exercises and breastfeeding tips, why aren’t we warned that our brain changes during pregnancy and postpartum to suddenly take on all these lists of information that are forever circling in our heads (is the baby warm/cold enough, what clothes do we need for tomorrow, how much washing do I need to do, what food etc do I need to pack) let alone medical appointments, buying things and then of course looking after ourselves as well.
I am sure most men aren’t consumed with thoughts of worrying as to whether their child has done a poo at daycare whilst they are at work now are they?
Becoming a mother is just so much more than birthing a child and keeping it alive, it can essentially take over our entire thought process! It is becoming more widely known that the brain actually physically changes during pregnancy and whilst the term baby brain has been thrown about, it is actually a thing as the brain changes in order to cope with the growing baby, isn’t the female body just an amazing thing! But back to the mental load – it never seems to end and whilst some mothers have amazing partners who share the load, it does appear that we as the females are the default parent. I know my husband would have no idea when my daughter’s next vaccine is needed or a health check or when she may need the next size up in clothes/shoes or booking in for swimming lessons etc.
It can be exhausting and to a first time mother overwhelming when typically most women have only had to think about themselves for a long time. I was late to this motherhood gig, only deciding at 33 that I wanted to have a child and the road to getting pregnant wasn’t linear or easy but it was so so worth it. Being a psychologist I thought I had readied myself more for postpartum as in reading up on scheduling and how I wanted to parent etc along with researching matrescence but the term mental load had never really figured and it surely wasn’t discussed in my midwife appointments or antenatal visits and come to think of it, it wasn’t even mentioned in the Child Health Mother’s Group sessions. WHY????? To me these conversations are so much more vital to a parent’s wellbeing than swaddling and feeding routines.
If this is something that resonates, comment below with what has been the biggest mental load for you in parenthood.
I discuss this in more detail in my course 'Nourishing You' - sign up and get on the waiting list!
