Courtney Wilton - Clinical Psychologist / Stafford Brisbane
If you feel disconnected from your body since having a baby, you're far from alone. Postpartum body image struggles are very common, and they're rarely just about appearance. They're about identity, control, exhaustion and comparison. You don't have to love your body to feel better. Often the goal is a calmer, more neutral relationship with it, and a lot less mental space taken up by it.
What can postpartum body image struggles sound like?
"I don't recognise myself in the mirror."
"Everyone else seems to have bounced back."
"I know my body did something incredible, so why do I feel so ashamed?"
"I avoid photos, and I'm not in any of my baby's first-year pictures."
"I'm touched out and don't feel like my body is mine."
"I feel guilty for even caring about this when I have a healthy baby."
If any of that feels familiar, you're not vain or ungrateful. You're a person going through a huge change.
Why does body image get harder after having a baby?
Your body has changed quickly. Pregnancy, birth and feeding bring changes to shape, skin, strength, pelvic floor and energy, often with little time to adjust.
Your identity is shifting too. Becoming a mother can mean losing parts of your old routines, work identity and independence. Sometimes the discomfort we feel about our body is really grief about those changes.
You're exposed to "bounce-back" messaging. Social media and well-meaning comments can make a changed body feel like a problem to be solved quickly.
You're tired and stretched. Poor sleep, constant caregiving and little time alone make everything harder, including how you talk to yourself.
Mood and anxiety can play a part. Postnatal anxiety and depression can intensify negative thoughts about your body.
Why does "just love your body" advice not help?
Because going from distress to full body love is a big leap. For many people, body neutrality is more realistic: your body is allowed to simply be a body that carries you through your day, without needing to be loved or fixed. The aim is less self-monitoring and more of your attention back for the things that matter to you.
What can help?
A few gentle starting points:
Notice the voice. Would you speak to a friend this way? Try describing what your body does rather than how it looks.
Edit your feed. Unfollow accounts that leave you feeling worse and follow ones that show real, varied bodies.
Wear what fits now. Clothes that fit today's body reduce daily reminders that it "isn't right."
Reduce body checking. Mirror checking, pinching and comparing feeds the distress. Even small breaks help.
Move or rest for how it feels, not to change shape.
Tell someone. Shame grows in secrecy. Saying it out loud to a friend, partner or psychologist often lightens it.
When is it time to get support?
Consider talking to a psychologist if:
Thoughts about your body take up a lot of your day
You're avoiding photos, intimacy, social events or leaving the house
You're feeling pressure to restrict food or exercise in ways that feel rigid or out of your control
Your mood is low, you feel anxious most of the time, or you feel detached from your baby or yourself
You've been struggling for months and it isn't improving
Support isn't only for when things are severe. It's for when you want to feel more like yourself again.
How does a psychologist help with body image after a baby?
I take a weight-neutral, non-diet approach. That means I won't give you a target weight or a meal plan. Instead, we explore where the distress comes from, how it connects to the rest of your life as a new mum, and how to build a kinder, steadier relationship with your body. Where there are signs of disordered eating or postnatal anxiety or depression, we can work on those too.
I work with adults from my practice in Stafford, Brisbane, with a focus on women's health and postpartum support. [Enquire about a first session here.]
Frequently asked questions
Is it normal to hate my body after having a baby? It's very common. Many new mothers feel ashamed, disconnected or frustrated with their body. Common doesn't mean you have to just put up with it, and support can help.
How long does postpartum body image distress last? There's no set timeline. For some people it eases as life settles. For others it lingers or gets worse, especially alongside anxiety, low mood or unhelpful comparison. If it has lasted for months, it's worth getting support.
Could this be postnatal depression or anxiety? Body image distress can happen on its own or alongside postnatal depression or anxiety. A psychologist can help you work out what's going on.
Can therapy help even if I "should" be grateful? Yes. You can love your baby, be grateful, and still struggle with your body and identity. Both can be true.
Do I need to be in crisis to see a psychologist? No. You can come whenever you want support, and earlier is often easier.
If you need urgent support, PANDA's National Perinatal Support line is 1300 726 306, Lifeline is 13 11 14, and in an emergency call 000.
